I wanna bring you to show and tell
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
i now understand why vodka
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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