he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
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