Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
