She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Randomize
