If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
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