How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
