im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
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