Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
