My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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