Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
