I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
