im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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