You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
