I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Is Oprah even human
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
