Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
