Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Randomize
