a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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