There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
