something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
We are all done wearing pants today
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
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