Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
