After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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