Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
