bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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