i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
