she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
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