Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
