I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
