Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
