Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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