I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
