I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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