There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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