Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
