ugly people sure do ruin things
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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