my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize