Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
