I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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