Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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