Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Woman Using Lunch Break To Find Another Job Gets Hilariously Snitched On By The Local News
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
28 ‘Thanks For Coming To My Ted Talk Tweets’ Funnier And More Informative Than An Actual Ted Talk
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
I'm actually proud