Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Even my vagina gasped.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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