umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
