Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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