Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize