You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
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There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
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I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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