watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Randomize
