I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
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