Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
