I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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