Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
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I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
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So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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