I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
