I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
