you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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