3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
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