So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
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every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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