You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I love having hate sex.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
