I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
