Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
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