I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
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