chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
There r osticjed everywhere
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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