I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
