You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
