Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
