her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
