The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
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