i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize
