Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Randomize
