and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
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